Monday, August 22, 2011

Not What I Expected

I thought I would be so excited the week before my Ironman. I've been so excited all year. I have absolutely loved training and pushing myself. I've been so amazed at what everyone on my team has accomplished. Most of our teammates became Ironmen on July 30th at the Vineman Triathlon. I did the aqua bike that day, and I felt really good. I had a little problem with nutrition on the bike, but once I realized I wasn't getting enough calories, and ate more, then I felt great. I ran 4 miles on the run course and I was thinking, you know, I could do an Ironman today!

The next day I took off and on Monday I ran 10 and a half miles at Lake Chabot. My foot was hurting a little at that time, but it went away once I warmed up. I felt fine on Tuesday, but on Wednesday my foot was hurting a lot. I of course thought I should work through it, so I did my track workout anyway. By that weekend my foot was swollen and hurting so much I couldn't put pressure on the ball of my foot. Since then I 've gone to the doctor's twice, gotten x-rays (no fractures that they can see, thank goodness), and for a little while my foot felt better. But then of course I wasn't careful, and although I didn't run, I didn't really watch out for my foot either, and by last Wednesday it was hurting again.

Now it's 6 days until my race, and I haven't been able to run in 20 days. My foot is starting to feel a little better with all the rest I am giving it and all the ice and ibuprofen, but I can tell it's not 100% and I am still limping. I've been really positive this year, but right now, it just seems like too much. I am so scared for Sunday, because even if my foot doesn't hurt at all, I feel like I am not in shape anymore because I haven't been able to do much besides swim.

Before this happened I was setting really high goals for myself in terms of time, but now I don't even know if I will finish, and that thought makes me so sad. I've worked so hard for this, and it just seems unfair for this to happen right now.

I hate to complain, and to not be positive, but I was hoping by writing this and getting it out there, I would somehow come to terms with my situation. I mean I have always said it is about the journey, not the end, and it's been a wonderful journey. And I guess if this one doesn't work out, then I have next year to become an Ironman. I guess becoming an Ironman means not giving up, even if you don't finish your first event.

But I must stop talking like that, I will finish this event. I will finish it, even if I don't get a medal and I have to run away from volunteers trying to pull me off the course after midnight! Even if I don't get a medal, I will finish this!

1 comment:

  1. Kick ass on that swim and bike. And, remember that you can walk the whole marathon if you need to. Nick walked 25.2 miles last year. There is no shame in walking. And, you will still be an Ironman. And, you may feel like you are out of shape, but you aren't. You are doing all that you can given the circumstances. I know you will be ok. Just listen to your body. We will be sending all kinds of positive thoughts your way!