Sunday, December 12, 2010

Sometimes It's Hard

I just had a great weekend. Full of Christmas parties, fundraisers, and training.  (Not too much studying...but I still have one night to cram for my final), but last Thursday was a pretty hard day.  I woke up really tired, maybe because it was 4:45 in the morning. But I am not always that tired.  I went to the gym and tried to do my core workout and an hour spin class.  I didn't get through the core before the spin class started, so I just decided I was ok with that.  Then I went to spin and it was so boring.  The instructor had sucky music and I kept wanting to fall finally I left at 6:45...instead of staying until 7am. 

Now I don't know what it was that day...and most days I have tons of energy and am super happy about everything, but all day long I was plagued by old insecurities and doubts that have almost become unfamiliar to me.  But Thursday, all day they were with me, dragging me back to a place that I hoped I had left for good.  Now, I considered not writing about this, because I don't like to bring people down and talk about things that could be depressing, but the other part of me realized that one of the reasons I am writing this blog is because I hope everyone sees that they can do exactly what I am doing.  If you put your mind to something, you can achieve it.  And if I only write about how great everything is, then it might seem like I am different, and am leading some sort of blessed life.  And although I do feel very blessed, some days I just feel like crap about myself. 

I was thinking about all of this on Thursday, and then I started thinking about what I have been doing lately with my life...and what I will be doing, what I am working towards.  And some how the dark cloud started to dissipate. 

I believe two things.
1. Everyone CAN do something incredible, something that they never thought they had the ability to do. It doesn't have to be a triathlon or marathon, but anything you find truly challenging.
2. Everyone SHOULD do something incredible, something they never thought they had the ability to do.  I realize that challenging myself and seeing that there aren't limits where I thought there were has helped me so much.  When I have those dark days, I am able to get out of them because I think about everything I am doing, and all the wonderful people I am doing it with.  And I also think about all the people who would give anything to be healthy enough to challenge themselves.  Training for an Ironman will probably make me more physically healthy, but what I know it is doing is making me more emotionally and spiritually healthy, and that's something everyone should give themselves.

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